Tomorrow is the big awards day! For previous posts about it, see here and here. This is the second time I have ever been nominated for a blog award, and the first time that I have ever been shortlisted and then placed into the finalist list (the previous awards didn't have any shortening on the nominations prior to the awards night).
I've been so unwell lately, that I'm quite nervous about attending. I've had two social occasions recently/ the last couple months that really took it out of me -even though walking was limited on each occasion as much as possible. Where once an event (sitting down, relaxing, not really doing anything) would have had me in bed for the next day or two afterwards, events (of any kind) now have me in bed and in pain for days So while I have to choose wisely and have a massive sense of guilt about attending, I'm still determined to go.
Guilt might like seem like an odd term there... I suppose I should explain.
As you may have read in previous postings, or even rants on my Facebook page, every activity takes so much more energy to accomplish when you are unwell. Hence where the spoon theory comes into play (although it isn't always as straight forward). I have to pick and choose small activities as well as the bigger ones -which is important to do now, which can wait. This ranges from getting dressed to walking the dogs briefly, to doing the dishes or to bigger events like socialising.
If I choose something on the top scale today, going to socialise with a friend for a couple of hours, then I can't do anything else that day or the next day. If I do the laundry and wash the dishes then I will have to nap and can't play with the dogs. If I wash my hair then I can't make dinner and Bicky has to make it (which he does loads, I'm not at all being sexist and saying women should make it, LOL! Just of course I also enjoy doing it and want to help out more often). It's give and take and many times I feel like I'm letting others down, in never ending and forever loosing battle to accomplish as much as possible.
I desperately want to work full time and miss my job, even part-time, but I get up and use my energy to get dressed (yes, that's how ridiculous it is) so then I need to nap or at least rest for a while. I need to get up extra early to prep myself -take my pills, sit up and try get my BP higher/ normal before standing, pop my joints into place, move my hands and feet to try get some feeling back into them (peripheral neuropathy issues). Of course sleep is something not really in my control, and either is waking up. From "painsomnia" to phases of sleeping 20 plus hours, completely knocked out and non responsive to anyone trying to wake me. It's an endless rotation.
