The bad, the really bad, and the never ending

Physical pain is hard to talk about, almost as much as it is to live with.

I have had a horrible week. In general, I've had a very bad few months, but this week has been the worst -Although maybe I say that every week. I don't even know anymore.

The Baclofen I taken to control severe muscle spasms and tightness (which are usually quite good) are barely doing anything now.... It's a really strange sensation to explain. My body is like stone. Like something is grasping by whole body and squeezing.

A sharp, knife shoots through my shoulder blade. It cracks, pops, crunches. My neck twists. The only relief is by bending and pulling the shoulder, into place it seems. It's excruciating, but eventually after all the pulling and popping, it becomes numb. For a while.

It often travels from the shoulder, pouring down the arm. Becoming prominent around the joints -elbow, wrist and sometimes even fingers. My fingers have become deformed in the right hand the last few years, and I have no idea why. All I know is pain.

The hip pain is never really hip pain. It's hip pain, buttocks pain, lower back pain, thigh pain and knee pain. On days when I "over do it" it pops, then burns and swells. All these things are normal with hip pain, particularly the buttocks and the knee referral.

My flat feet cramp. My toes turn up in an effort to stabilise my body and not fall over. My legs are numb and unusable, for the most part.

I sleep all the time, yet I never

To Dublin hospitals, with love... Etc.

As many regular readers will know, I have not received correct medical care (for any of my ailments really, which are mostly linked somehow, but first and foremost for the hip condition present at birth) because...

A.) Where I live the local hospital is basically closed (no A&E, they borrow equipment and staff from other hospitals, etc.) and the other "local" hospital is incredibly understaffed, underfunded and under-equipped in general (It is the main and only hospital for a very large populous, also).

B.) I was born in 1980's Ireland -That's like 1950 everywhere else, in relation to medical care (and of course in relation to other social issues: such as owning a vagina, enjoying the relations of someone of your own gender, etc., etc., ETC.!)

C.) I do not "scream loud enough"/ I have been incredibly unlucky (referrals going hay-wire, doctors not admitting fault at my birth, etc.) / I avoided doctors for a huge proportion of my adult life/ and a combo of the usual Irish "sure it'll be grand" inside of me that prevents the "screaming loud enough".

And you may also remember that I've recently sent off my referral forms to Cappagh for the much needed hip surgery that I should have probably started years ago, after advice from a lovely, fellow Irish "hippy" that I met online... Well, it turns out,

Gym stuff

As regular likers of my new Facebook page will know, I have recently tried my hand at going back to the gym. This is something I used to do on a regular enough basis -Whilst I could not run outside, I could somewhat run on the treadmill. Running being one of the basic activities I miss doing... Along with general sport and activities which of course, require running. But alas these days, I simply miss walking!

I began my (what became a long) break from the gym gradually. I had to stop when I commenced chemotherapy, as gyms are apparently one of the most germ filled places ever and I had little to no immune system. I did go back briefly after I finished my treatment, but as you all know, my body has declined even further the last year, and with that, my ability to exercise...

I was never a "gym bunny". Lets be clear on that! Haha.. I went once a week, sometimes once every two weeks -TOPS. And the odd walk with my dear friend Christina, coupled with leisurely walks with the dogs. Even these things were struggles, but doable. At one point in my life.

But I really do miss the gym. I love exercising and the rush I get from it... I don't enjoy the pain, of course. How and ever, people need exercise to live and to thrive. And so I recently started going again. I went twice and then joined fully, so hopefully I can keep going once a week to begin with and maybe twice in the future... I just have to remind myself that my "over doing it" is different than other peoples over doing it. And if I forget, I always have the crippling pain to remind me.

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A couple of FAQ's:

1. What about swimming? I hear that's great as a low impact sport?
It is. But unfortunately, I cannot swim. I have tried several times and