What disabled people want on International Women's Day

Today is International Women’s Day. A day when we consider the inequalities in society, including wage gaps, social standing, opportunities, domestic abuse. The often invisible and overlooked females in our communities and workplaces.

Now stick that person in a wheelchair, or a walker, and isolate them with inadequate public transport, tell your children to stop looking at them or that they can't ask questions, take away representation in films and tv and books, create buildings as tall as the skies and pile obstacles all along the sidewalks and pathways. Don't call out when people take our parking spaces, or skip us in queues, or make assumptions based on our young age... refuse to listen to those affected by all of the above.

Don't get me wrong -all my aids are works of beautiful engineering that gift me freedom. They're not the villain in my story. But there is only so much they can do in a society not built for them.

In my shoes

I was inspired to write this piece because of the brave and harrowing tales that have come out of late, on the Facebook page In Her Shoes. This is a marvelous page, and the perfect way for those who don’t understand the complexities of the 8th Amendment to see how it has affected everyday Irish women. When you’ve never been in a situation yourself, it might be difficult to grasp others stories -especially when each case is so different to the next. It’s also hard to understand how the 8th amendment effects far more than abortion laws and has had detrimental results on the health and lives of wanted pregnancies, and the women involved. 

For those who wish to learn, In Her Shoes highlights these stories perfectly.
If you live in Co. Louth and have a story to tell, please contact Dundalk4 Choice and we will write it up on our page.

CW: Miscarriage, foetal tissue, trauma. 

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“I can’t detect the heartbeat” -A dreaded sentence. It still hits me in the face.

I was 23 and pregnant -unplanned but I knew I didn’t want to have an abortion. I had been using contraception, but these things happen. Shortly after we found out I broke things off with my boyfriend as I didn’t see a future with him anyway, and decided to go it alone. It was going to be tough, but I knew it would be the best thing to do for me and my future child.

My first appointment went normally, the nurses were nice, and I filled in the usual forms. I looked a lot younger than my actual age and I was very aware of this, it’s always been something that has worked against me. As there was a query over gestational ageing I was sent for a scan. I think I had missed at least two periods, but was unsure if more. The doctor had guessed I was about 10 weeks along.

Going for the scan by myself everything happened so quickly. “I can’t detect the heartbeat” was all that was said at first, that sentence ringing in my ears and hanging in the air for what seemed like an eternity. As utterly devastating as that moment was, I knew there was no hope. I knew I was far enough along for a heartbeat to be detected. They estimated the foetus to be around 8 weeks or so, meaning the pregnancy had ceased about two weeks prior to my scan. I waited, shocked, to hear about how they would go about a D&C. But it was not mentioned. Instead they hurriedly tried to tell me “there’s still hope as you aren’t bleeding”, and “we just have to wait and see, but there’s nothing we can do”. I was confused, even more confused and lost than I had been at hearing the news I had miscarried. What did they mean, was the scanner broken? Even still, they knew the growth should have been more than 8 weeks along…

More than just abortion; more than pro-choice

[Originally written in August 2017. Updated December 2017]

By now most people have probably watched Amnesty International's video regarding Ireland's 8th amendment and why it should be repealed and what issues it currently causes (if not, watch below).

25 Annoying Things About Being Pregnant

For me it brings to mind of when I was diagnosed with cancer, back in 2013.
It's probably best to start with a personal story.

No I was not pregnant, no I was not planning to become pregnant, and no I was not planning on having an abortion. Yet the tone was set for many a discussion around such subjects, the very minute I was diagnosed. One might assume this conversation would take the form of discussing options for egg preservation, in case of future fertility problems. Although this was never mentioned really, only glossed over very vaguely, and only when I tried to bring the subject up. A simple "I'm sure you'll be ok" was all that was given in this respect. Something I realised later was vastly different from the experiences of UK cancer patients, through discussions on support forums. I can only assume such options aren't granted free by the HSE, and perhaps some doctors just see it all as a bit "icky"? I really have no idea. The only guidance I was given with that side of things was the nurse whispering to me during chemotherapy inquiring about my periods, stating that a regular flow (sorry lads, not sorry) was a good sign at least.

No, this was not the route of the pregnancy conversation. The one and only topic was around what would happen if I became pregnant during my treatment. Of course I was advised to use all the contraception possible, to not purposely become pregnant during this time -obviously, that would be irresponsible. But as we all know, even with all the contraption in the world -shit happens.

Stigma nation: behind closed doors

Following on from the horrific, tragic and almost unimaginable events that unfolded in Ballyjamesduff, Co. Cavan, I have been circulating my new Facebook cover photo (done up in like 5 minutes using online software, so please, steal away. I don't want any ownership rights to this image if we can all simply help in getting the word out to those who need it). As a voluntary organisation it can be hard to promote such facilities -suicide is a touchy subject, not really something spoken of or asked about in many everyday occasions. As a volunteer for this organisation I've had a lot of people ask, "what exactly do SOSAD do?". Some hear the terms like "suicide prevention", "suicide intervention", but they don't quite know what services that entails. Each office has its own projects, but the general resources that we all provide are listed in this cover picture. Along with all the contact information for each office. If you would like the full size of this image to use as Facebook cover photo (this one is condensed), please mail me via my Facebook page.

If you are struggling, need help and even if you don't live near any of our offices, please ring the nearest phone number to you and one of the volunteers will assist you in any way possible. Please, ring us. Ring anyone. If you are on long HSE waiting lists to see someone, come see one of our trained and free counselors instead. If counselling isn't for you or you are unsure, just ring us for a casual chat over the phone... No one should fall through the gaps of the health service, no one should feel help isn't out there. But we need assistance with getting the word out that organisations like this exist, so please do share the numbers. To help further support this cause consider liking the SOSAD Facebook pages, which really only take a second and provides a basis for free promotion that is so desperately needed:

SOSAD Ireland
SOSAD Dundalk
SOSAD Carrickmacross
SOSAD Cavan
SOSAD Navan
SOSAD Tullamore
SOSAD Events

And see their website here: SOSAD Ireland website


But lets take a step back -suicide and mental health are very much only one element to this confusing, saddening scenario. Murder, possible long-term abuse, communities and families devastated by the complete shock... No warning signs, no clues as to what went on prior to this day. And perhaps the family and friends will never have answers; a tragedy within a tragedy. So here we are with two sides of the rationale forming within Irish communities.

My big fat, non-hysterical lady parts would like to make an announcement

Lets talk about depression and social anxiety: No, I do not have them. And that should be the end of the discussion, right? Except I do not own a penis and so do not have that luxury -and have instead been blessed with fabulous lady bits, both in physicality and mind (mostly).

We might joke about "hysterical ladies", and our periods, having melt-downs over other women wearing the same (usually Pennies/ Primark) clothes as ourselves and being jealous over what both our boyfriends and friends do or do not actually get up to, but when did all this joking become the norm? the actual reality? -I don't have social anxiety, and that scares people. Am I really the last female left who hasn't succumbed to this bizarre phenomenon, or are my generation being led astray by the biased views of doctors and the ever increasing idea that we should be frail, afraid of everything and basically causing hysteria within ourselves?

An example of what we're talking about:
A woman goes to her doctor, she's experiencing sudden on-set migraines and they are affecting her sight and general quality of life. She has tried over the counter pain relief but it is not helping. Now, you can bet that the first thing a doctor will ask is how she is feeling emotionally -Is she stressed, sad, is her boyfriend being nice to her? Has her tiny cotton candy brain had a wee fart because the dress she ordered from Ebay is taking too long to arrive from China? Most definitely she has some form of social anxiety, for she has but only a vagina to protect her from the world. Or, even possible, is she a drug addict? That can tend to be prognosis number two, in many cases.

A man goes to the doctor with the same issues, and as he's a strong, bear like, hairy-chested creature with the emotional range of a shoe, he must indeed be in real, physical pain. Straight to the neurologist with you, so you can get that tumor removed and get back to punching rocks and shit.

Neither of these scenarios is pretty, both are

On the rag: A note on feminism

It's been a while since I'v had one of my famous rants (famous? ...Yeah, I only have about 10 followers, but I'm still saying famous. Deal with it), and what better subjects than politics and feminism, eh? And yes, yes, I'm totally late to board the train, and I'm sure by now yous all totally get that feminism is not hating on men? And that anti-feminists (or at least the childer who post shite on the internets) simply wish things were 'just like the 1950's' for the oh so pretty lady clothes? Yes, yes?? Good.

Well with that in mind I'll skip over all the obvious stuff and just have a wee chat about this article:
"9 Times When Irish Politics has Been Really Sexist"

At first read I laughed, of course, and I'm sure you will too. They are funny comments. Funny because they are: A.) Outrageous, B.) Oh so very dam Irish and C.) It is human nature to think "well, they were just having a laugh though" ...The latter passed my mind only briefly before I stopped myself. Is it wrong to comment on a women's looks, if you are saying something nice? "Flaming red hair" sounds more of a compliment to me. The argument could be made, that if it was the other way around, would men in politics care so much if they were being commented on? Perhaps not. And perhaps it wouldn't be such a big deal in the media. But the bigger picture is simply that there are less women in politics -and as we all know, women do not have the same rights, respect or pay in many professions. This is where the issue lies, in case anyone reads the article and thinks: "What's the big deal?". It's the same old bullshit of "Oh sometimes black people are racist to white people, ya know!" ...Eh, yeah, of course, and where as this is clearly not right and neither is excusable, there is a difference. The difference being years of oppression.

Examples of being judged on our looks as females is everywhere. There are certain pubs and nightclubs that I just rather not bother going into, that my male friends would have no issue in entering. I don't mind a bit of fun, a bit of joke (after all, social situations